i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
being pregnant is like rehab
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize