I will die if light touches me.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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