He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
