I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
