I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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