i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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