i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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