I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
