We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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