just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
