I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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