the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
