either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
