you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
