does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
