He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
