a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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