I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
