Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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