Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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