my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
