I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
