i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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