We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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