I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
