I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
