I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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