Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
