There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
