I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
