so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
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I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
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He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My legs feel like baby dolphins
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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