So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
