Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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