you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
