i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Welp...herpes.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
