A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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