Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
