I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
