ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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