she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
