Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I touched a dick in church today
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
