there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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