she was so not down for the gang bang
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head