I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
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Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
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Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos