i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.