Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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