I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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