NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
