I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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