There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Enjoy the penises
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
