He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
