No, you can still breathe under the balls.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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