Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
