ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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