I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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