next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
vagina is talking i cant
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
