Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize