Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He better not be in your backpack
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
