my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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