At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
