I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The air taste purple.
Randomize