Soap is not a condiment
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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