i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
