Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
