I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
