I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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