He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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