I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
