I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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