You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
