I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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