There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
