I hate your face
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
