i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
