apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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