he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
