I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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