just come out here and I will go home with you...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She's the barista slut.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
