I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
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Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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