It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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