8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
