Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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