In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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