Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
