she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
