You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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